11 Musings of a New Parent

There has recently been a number of occasions when things have just crossed my mind about being a new parent that I was not aware of before, and I thought I’d share them for your amusement. They’re quite random to be fair, but at least they’ll let you know what to expect (well, a bit anyway!)…

  1. Flying poo!
    Flying poo!

    Everyone will ask how your baby is doing. Your standard response covers eating and sleeping. What else do babies do? I guess you could surprise them with in depth discussions of their latest nappy and poo, like that time poo flicked up and hit you on the face.

  2. You’ll be asked if they sleep well. If the bags under your eyes and zombie like expression with grunting don’t tell them the answer then they’ve never had kids. If your baby is sleeping through (like mine!) most other parents will hate you.
  3. You will find random baby stuff in your pocket. Mostly this will be dummies. Sometimes though it’s a wet baby water wipe that has left a suspicious wet mark on your trousers.
  4. You will try to put your baby down to sleep. Your baby will then fight sleep for far too long. You’ll then tell your baby that you wish you could sleep during the day. Your baby will still not sleep and you’ll end up picking the baby up. Now your baby will sleep while you’re holding them. You’re now stuck with them being asleep on you. Congratulations!
  5. One day you’ll give your baby a bath and it will be great. They will smile and play and have a great time. You’ll splash with them and they’ll love it. Next day their screams will echo in your mind as they bounce off the bathroom tiles. This is especially effective if you also have a cold!
  6. He loves is jumparoo...for a bit...
    He loves is jumparoo…for a bit…

    One minute your baby will love their jumparoo. They’ll be playing in it and grabbing things, having a nice smile. Then the mouth opens, the arms fling out wide like a windmill and the screams begin. Their face quickly turns a beautiful shade of mauve (that’s purple if you’re like me with colours!). You’re confused and horrified, but they immediately quieten when picked up. Jekyll and Hyde!

  7. Other people will think your baby has a cute cry. You think your child has a cry that drills into your head and is annoying everyone in sight (or should that be “in hearing”?). Oh, and by the way, you’ll think other babies have a cute cry…
  8. People will often ask if your baby is good. It’s a tough one to answer. They haven’t been convicted of any crimes…yet, does that count?
  9. You will feed your baby a lot, and I mean a lot. If you feed with a bottle they will eventually grab it. They will then sometimes push it away. “Had enough have we?” you ask nicely. Then they cry blue murder. You put the bottle back in and they’re happy. WHY DID YOU PUSH IT AWAY THEN?!
  10. What’s that on my coat? It looks like sick but I’ve only just fed him and he hasn’t been sick. Oh, it must be from a few days ago when I last wore this coat. #Fail.
  11. Your baby is nice and calm, quietly cuddling you. You start to make a bottle as they stare out the window. You sit down with them, put the bib on and get the muslin ready. Still they are quiet and calm. Such a nice peaceful environment. Then you grab the bottle and shake it about a bit. Now they scream like you can’t believe. You’ve been happily sitting there, nice and quiet while I’ve been getting it ready, WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOW WHEN IT’S IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?! There really is no need, it’s already here!
  12. Sometimes your baby will be sick. I don’t mean a bit of sick down their top. I mean projectile vomiting across the room. Even to the point where they will miss their own clothes, get you, the floor and everything in between, but they are untouched. How is this even possible?

There you have it, some random musings for you!

Anything similar crossed your mind?

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